Realbeautyis…

bold, courageous, perfectly imperfect

Ask Lori March 2, 2011

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Welcome to ASK LORI
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Please know that I take the time to read and review each email carefully. Due to the high volume of emails, I will only be able to post a portion of them on the site. Thank you for taking the time to email me your personal question.

with real beauty,
xo Lori

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Got a Question For Me?”
Email your question to: lori (at) realbeautyis (dot) com

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CURRENT ASK LORI

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Dear Lori,

Hi! How are you? I hope this note finds you well. We met at the Ladies Who Launch incubator a few years ago. I love your website and I think that you are doing a fabulous job! I read your posting about fear and I wanted to send you my question.

Since the LWL incubator, I have come up with about 3 different ideas for my own dream project (to work on outside of work). It is impossible to do all three. I need to pick one.

How can I determine where my heart most lies?

(None of them would be financially viable for a very very long time so I need to pick one b/c I love it most.)

Any suggestions?

Thanks! Be well! Hope to hear from you.

Jennifer

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Lori’s Response

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Hi Jennifer,

First off, it’s fabulous to connect with you again. Secondly, I just LOVE this question because it’s so juicy and so very meaningful. How can I determine where my heart most lies? WOW.

This is a really BIG question and deeply important.

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I once came across an extremely valuable piece of wisdom from Elizabeth Lesser, co-founder of the Omega Institute. She talks about the beauty and wisdom of living INSIDE OUR QUESTIONS. This is a power strategy that I not only attempt to ‘practice’ regularly myself, but also use with most of my clients.

So often we are fiercely driven to want to solve, to want to know outcome, to get to the finish line, when the beauty and joy of life can actually be found living inside our deepest questions.

Elizabeth suggests that it’s our fearlessness to ask the BIG questions that creates a deeply meaningful and spiritual life. So you my friend, Jennifer are LIVING DEEP! (and there’s nothing more inspiring and powerful).

I know that it’s not always comfortable in that state of unknowing and uncertainly, but it’s inside that state of ‘living our questions’ that creates fertile ground for the answers to emerge.

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My recommendations to you are the following:

1. Do you have a most powerful GUT response to either of the 3 of your choice projects? Is there ONE that stands out to you MOST or really makes your heart sing? Is there ONE that you would be most bummed about NOT pursuing? IF not….no worries…keep reading.

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2. Give yourself permission to live INSIDE YOUR QUESTIONS without knowing outcome. Carve out a few moments each day (it can be only 2minutes) and pray / live inside your question. Don’t try to think on OR visualize the answer. Simply ask yourself your questions over and over (ex: where does my heart insist I go? What makes my heart sing? What would I be most excited to spend my time doing? What would make me feel the most alive / inspired/ powerful etc. What feels right to me right now?

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3. Acknowledge that you have the power to change your mind. Try not to use the dilemma you’re having as an opportunity to be hard on yourself or force yourself to know the “right answer.” There is NEVER a right answer; rather there are MANY ‘right’ ways. Give yourself permission to experiment, be playful and make a decision that feels right to you right now. If, in the future you end up changing your mind, make a pact with yourself that you will let yourself off the hook and try something else. Your choice doesn’t have to be FOREVER.

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4. Write each of your 3 ideas at the top of a piece of paper. One at a time, think about the idea and write what you see as the pro’s and con’s of each idea. In addition, see what feeling state surfaces for you when you dwell inside each idea? How does each one make you feel? Pay close attention if something gets triggered in you on a GUT level.

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5. Talk it out with a person you trust and respect. Choose someone who knows you well and can offer their impression of what choice might be of value to you.

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6. Have faith. All of the choices we make in life are a part of our epic journey here on earth to know ourselves, practice love and live inside our truth. Have faith that whatever decision you make is the “best” decision for you right now and is meant to teach you what you MOST need to learn about yourself right now.

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“It’s like a great high school athlete…at some point he will have to commit to one sport over the others. He’ll weigh out a lot of factors; what comes naturally to him, what does he enjoy the most, in which sport does he have a natural advantage?

But in the end the choice should be based on pure instinct and self-knowledge. What sport does he feel in his muscles and bones? What sport was he born to play?”

– Twyla Tharp, The Creative Habit

I hope this helps!
with REAL beauty,
xo Lori

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ARCHIVES

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Dear Lori,

Lately I am finding myself getting easily annoyed and frustrated by a lot of people. I feel like I easily slip into a negative state of mind and get become really reactive.

But, what are you supposed to do when you come across someone you really don’t like?

I could really use your advice.
Thanks,
Alyssa

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Lori’s Response

Dear Alyssa,

Let me start by setting the tone with this inspired piece of Truth.

Whenever someone comes into your life, you are establishing a connection with that person and you will want to have as many loving connections as possible and as many connections where you see the truth as possible, also. For the truth of what you think you see is not what the truth is. We are all Divine creatures here to learn something.” – Chernise Spruell

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When you come across someone you don’t like, take a moment to hone in on what exactly it is you don’t like about them. What you don’t like about someone else is really NOT about the other person, it’s about the uncomfortable feelings they are bringing up for you. So, first get clear on what feelings are being triggered for you.

What do these feelings bring up for you?

Whatever feelings or emotions this other person is bringing up for you is actually the OFFERING of an opportunity to explore and heal something within yourself.

Your reaction to another person is NEVER about the other person. Really. Never.

Every time you either compare yourself to someone else or have ill feelings towards someone else you lesson your own power source. You lesson your energetic vibration and send negative energy into the world, which means you are holding onto negative energy inside yourself.

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The Buddha once said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

So, rather than holding onto your negative emotion, when you notice someone is annoying or frustrating you; send them LOVE. No joke. In your mind, picture that person, breathe deeply and send them love.

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This may seem at first like a meaningless thing to do, but by sending someone else love you also send it to yourself and you empower yourself to keep moving your life in the direction you want to go. And isn’t that what’s MOST important?

Your reaction to someone else is YOUR choice and managing your power of choice is the Divine challenge. A negative reaction to someone else causes YOU to lose power. And our life task is to learn what is drawing power from us.

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The person who seems to be drawing your energy is actually only a reflection of some part of yourself. Your task is to learn the lesson that the teacher has for you rather than to resent the teacher. When you erroneously conclude that a specific person is the cause of your feeling deleted, you are slipping into fear and blame.” – Caroline Myss, Ph.D.

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The person that is challenging us is the Universe sending you a lesson.

What is the lesson you need to learn MOST right now?

When you meet anyone, treat the event as a holy encounter. It’s through others that we either find or love our self.” – Dr Wayne W. Dyer

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Dear Lori,

I’m having a moment this morning Lori.

It is a moment of awareness, but a moment of pain as well.
I’m thinking they go to together for me, at this point in my life.

I have awareness that I can reach my dreams, I do know what my dreams are now, imagine that!

I’m also realizing the ways in which I have limited myself in the past. I feel like I’m at the point in my life where I either “crash or burn” or buckle up for the ride.

I’ve decided ill buckle up!

So I’m lining up with my destiny and in doing so I almost seem frozen with panic. Silly I know, but I know I must get past this fear or panic. I feel like I should know better when it comes to managing my fear. I battled fear before and I can tell you FEAR lost and I WON, yet here it is again rearing its ugly head!

HELP.

Thanks so much,
G

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Lori’s Response

Good Morning G,

Thanks for reaching out to me.

For most people, deep self-awareness and pain typically go together.

The meaningful work you’re doing allows you to both awaken into your most powerful self and know significant change in your life, but at the same time, we typically need to experience pain and heal things from our past and current life in order to REALLY move beyond them.

So, although it’s extremely challenging and can be overwhelming, this pain you’re experiencing is actually a sign that you are doing some deep healing and in doing so; you will be able to liberate yourself.

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Try to allow yourself to sit with the fear.

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Invite it in; breathe into it, rather than “battling” it.

When we battle with something we are usually clinging to ego and blocking the opportunity for healing in the present moment.

Fear will be a part of your journey forever, so this is a great opportunity to shift your relationship with it. Try to see your fear as a friend, a message from the Universe, a gift, a window into your emotions, and an opportunity to get fully present.

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Sitting inside your fear will allow you the space to go even deeper with your understanding of what it is you most want from yourself and your life right now.

You are in the midst of a HUGE evolution for yourself so often times it can bring up feelings of exhilaration, passion, excitement and fear. All of these emotions are present to guide you deeper into your most powerful and alive self.

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Allow yourself to just BE inside every feeling today. Find a few moments of quiet to breathe deeply, allow ALL the emotions to wash over you. Notice them as an outside observer. Try to resist the temptation to react to them. Create a calming mantra for yourself today. “I invite in ALL my emotions. My emotions heal me.” (or anything that feels right for you)

The beauty of what you are discovering is that by realizing all the ways in which you have been holding yourself back, limiting yourself, or setting yourself up for failure you have just taken a GIANT step forward in becoming your most awakened self.

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Try to use this experience as a way to be proud of yourself, rather than hard on yourself. You are awake now, fully present and completely committed to this daily practice of loving yourself in every way. There will be many ups and downs, but know that there is great significance and meaning in it all.

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Each moment of realization (whether painful or exhilarating) is like planting another solid root in the foundation of your worth.

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My energy is connected to yours.
I’m sending you LOVE and LIGHT.

With real beauty,
xo Lori

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Got a Question For Me?”
Email your question to: lori (at) realbeautyis (dot) com

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